Everybody around me has someone even closer to them and it makes me feel ashamed whenever I tell them they mean alot. Imagine the look on their faces when they see that.

Maybe you're going "ha-ha cause you're seriously not a nice person to be with". Maybe I think like that because that was what I thought of an acquaintance. That crossed my mind only once, and only about one person. So I create my own insecurities, in a sense.. stop it.

I'm always the one mentioning their names, I wonder if anybody thinks of me at all. Perhaps once in a blue moon. Nobody who knows who I am, everybody can only judge me for what has happened the past year. I want them to know the old me.

Losing almost every close friend you've made is frightening.

I'll retreat into my safe little shell once again. Reaching out intimidates me. Thinking about what's on their minds and actual response is terrifying. Thinking about how people important to me have a million other friends when I thought I was one of the few and investing too much in people scares me, yet I do it all the time.

Okay stop this. I'm going to start on work.